Sarpedon

“Field-dwelling-shepherds, ignoble disgraces, mere bellies: we know how to say many false things similar to genuine ones, but we know when we wish, how to proclaim true things.”  The Muses; Hesiod, Theogony 22. 

Coracle

He was not quite sure when or how it had started. Something to do with firelight, forced love and a King’s hall. Afterward there was a long time of travelling slowly southward; dust on his sandals, the sun in his eyes and camp fires under the cold stars. He remembered Orion with his belt, the Pleiades and other Gods less familiar to him wheeling overhead; and then maybe even a sea journey on a galley, or perhaps more than one. Blue and white and gold, and the smell of salt and the touch of the spray: the creaking of the decks and the wind’s rush; the crying of the gulls in the overarching emptiness of the daylight sky.

Here now though on this beach, he felt he had dealt fully with all of that; and the day seemed to be progressing with some real sense of order. He had eaten well, having come across a herd of goats coughing loudly amid the weather torn olive trees on the steep slope above the shoreline. He had also managed to collect from the dunes surrounding his landing place enough driftwood for his purpose. 

The afternoon was spent shaping the wood into a concave collection of struts. He lashed them together with threads picked from his spare coarse spun blanket. What was left of the kill, its sinews as well as strips of the gut, were used to attach it’s now dried out skin to the newly constructed frame. He also used some left over fat to caulk the seams and the sides.

So by the time the sun began to sink into the sea, his small one man coracle was almost complete. He rested then with his cloak pulled around his naked shoulders to ward off the slight chill of the evening breeze. All that remained for the morning was to use his blade to carve a flattened face into one more piece of his flotsam; and so he would have a rough paddle he could employ. 

It never entered his mind though, during the whole course of his labours that day to ask himself again where exactly he was, or why he was now journeying alone along this coast.

Cave Mouth

In the halcyon days that followed, he paddled his way slowly along the lengths of the cliffs beyond his first landing point. Finally, one morning, he reached a second beach on one side of a deep cove. The coracle had actually held up well, but he was glad to see a small waterfall on the western face of the cove’s wall as his fresh water was almost gone.

He pulled the small craft up onto the strand beyond the high tide mark and unpacked his belongings. Taking up his water skin, he trudged the few hundred yards to where the water was falling down and pooling into a deep depression in the rocks before it leaked back over the rim and onto the sands. Immersing the skin into the pool, he began to massage it, watching the bubbles leak out as it filled. Then on looking around for the first time, he noticed a plain metal cup sitting in a small niche to the right of the fall. He lifted the skin from the water and replaced its stopper, after which he reached out and picked the object up.

There was nothing remarkable about the vessel, except that it was there. In fashion, it was a shallow, two handed kylix. There was no shine on its surface, no design carved into its face or any maker’s mark: it appeared to be very old, grey and dull. He slipped it into the pool nonetheless and drank. As he had been taught as a child, he dipped his fingers and spread the last few drops with a small silent prayer. There appeared to be some letters carved into the face of the rock above the cup’s niche, but the script was to ancient and to indistinct to read. 

“Can you make out any of the words at all?”, she said.

“No”, he replied, turning to look at her: “even if I could, I doubt it’s in any tongue I would know”.

“I’m thirsty”.

“Drink then”.

The sides of the depression were too high for such a small girl, so he helped her to scramble up onto the lip. She brushed her dark curls to one side and used her small hands to scoop the water up.

“It’s cold, isn’t it?”.

“Yes”.

When she had finished, he helped her back onto sand and waited until she had straightened the folds of her dress; then he took her hand in his and they began to make their way back along the beach.

As the sun was low against the sea once more, they made themselves busy setting a camp. A few loose stones provided another fire pit and more drift wood, fuel. He walked out along the opposite arm of the cove with his spear and found several rock pools with a fish or two, stranded by the tide, swimming in their depths.

They ate the fish with their hands by the fire, squatting on the sand. At the meal’s end, she licked her fingers and then begged more water from his skin to rinse her face clean. Having nothing else to do after that, they composed themselves with his cloak and his blankets and as the light fell away they slept.

On waking he felt rested if a little sore from his exertions in the last few days of paddling. He rose, relieved himself, and swam in the sea until he was clean. When he returned to the camp, the girl was still fast in sleep. He sat down again on his cloak by the  newly stirred fire, waiting to be completely dry: and then, for the first time he raised up his eyes beyond the dunes to take stock of the full landscape of the cove. It was in that moment that the further wall of rock truly revealed itself, towering above the beach – but smashed back inwards at its foundations by the pitch black gaping mouth of a large cave. In front of it, moving back into the maw there was a jumble of marble that looked like the remains of a temple; and on the plinth, a weathered altar stone.

At the sight of this arrangement he stood and shook his head violently: he stared keenly at the cave mouth again. It seemed to him then, that beyond the cliff, in the blank emptiness of that hole like a rent in the skin of the world, there was something; something he had been brought there to kill.

Darkness

The girl helped by braiding up and tying off his long hair. He selected what he imagined he would need – the leather bag, the sickle in its soft pouch to hang at his side in place of a hunting knife. His sword he strapped thief-wise across his back between his naked shoulder blades. He tightened his greaves and his bracers and perched his helmet over the back of his head. 

When all was done, she joined him to kick sand across the remains of their fire. He upended the coracle over the rest of the gear and hoisted his spear and shield. Together they set out up the dunes toward the hollow in front of the cave mouth where the ruins of the old temple began. 

The remains were not particularly impressive – a few crumbling marble columns and parts of the pediment littered the ground amongst seeding thistles and weed. In front of these though, half buried, stood a large weathered statue.

The effigy was of a woman. She was clothed in a long dress and had sculpted tresses that escaped from the helmet covering her head – the latter  in many ways the twin of his own. She carried a small round targe with the stylized face of an owl engraved on it and clasped a broken off spear. Her eyes were blind.

“Who do you think she is?”, said the girl, losing her hold on his hand and stepping forward to get a closer view.

“It’s the Warrior Goddess, he said, “from Attica”.

“Oh Immortal daughter of the Shining One…”, she intoned.

“Yes”, he said, looking down at her and smiling; “can you remember the rest?”

“No” said the girl, scuffing one of her small sandals in the dust. For a moment, her face looked sour.

The decoration of the altar on its plinth, like the inscription by the pool, was cut in an unknown script and far too damaged to make out clearly. The only thing that could be recognized  was a succession of three faces, also women, carved into its front. 

“Look at that – there, over there”, she said.

From behind the plinth, a second set of weather-smoothed marble stairs led downward at the back of the temple, their progress cut cleanly in half by the pitch black shadow of the cave mouth. One moment the light of the summer morning, then nothing beyond. Breathing deeply to control the beating of his heart and the slight shaking of his limbs, he followed the steps downward to the line and then with another deep intake, he called to the girl. When she had joined him, he took her hand again in his own and they stepped inward across the divide.

There was nothing: no light, no echo of sound, no smell. Only the feeling of the stairs continuing under his sandaled feet. He followed them blindly and further downward, inward through blank space. At some point they ceased and the floor underfoot again became sand. After half a dozen steps though, the quality of the darkness itself began to change; it lightened as if the air was slowly being illuminated  by unseen torches and he began to recognize where they were.

The space could have once been a small theatre stage. But before them where the skene and the tiring house might have been, rose a vast mess of granite encrusted with wild, crawling shapes of limestone, stretching upward and away into shadows toward the roof of the cave; and then amid the jumble, half way toward the ceiling, stood the tall shadowed shapes of two women.

He dragged the girl in close and dropped to one knee, raising his shield and angling it to protect them both, his spear braced outward. These figures perched above them against the limestone were not votive statues or carvings half released by some artisan from the rocks: they moved; they were definitely alive.

The woman on the left spoke; a strong voice against the cave. “Welcome”, she said, “It is long, so very long since any have visited us here”.

“Who are you?” he said; but he felt as though he was merely whispering.

“We?” she replied: “I am Setheno, eldest of my family. This other is my second sister Euryale”. Each wore a peplos in the Doric style; and the faces were human and surprisingly beautiful – especially that of the one who had been named as Euryale – as fine as any woman’s that he had ever seen. The only strangeness about them was that the braids of their hair were finished with metallic images of the heads of serpents, and each was also crowned with an upraised diadem of blood red water flowers.

“You are not horrors”, he exclaimed.

The second sister, beautiful Euryale, laughed: “Oh believe me friend”, she said, “like any women we can be monstrous enough. But come; if we are to be further acquainted, you must leave off your fear for now and lower your guard”. At that, they both carefully gathered their skirts and by degrees, began to descend.

Stories

The sun was westering and the air was cool with a breeze fanning them from the direction of the shore. In the courtyard, in front of the perfect white marble of the temple, they reclined at their ease amid the debris of what had been a more than ample meal. Setheno and her sister each reclined on their own golden couch; he and the little girl shared another. Euryale had set aside her diadem and played with the snake chased ends of her braids; in a low voice, she told them stories.

“In those earliest of days”, she began, “we lived by the banks of a long flowing river with our family and there were always herds of horses. Some were wild and some we tamed; and the skies above were blue and there were fields of wheat grasses and the river was full of lotus flowers. But then others came from the north, and we were forced to travel onward. It was a long way through many places – more plains, forests, jungles, mountains. There was a second river in another land and it was broad, and beyond it were harsh deserts. In that place, finally again, we settled.”

“There”, she said, “the people, unlike us, were small and dark and fine boned: many of them, both men and women, shaved their skulls, going almost completely without hair under the burning sun. They grew grain on the strips of land in the river’s valley, and the river itself was also inhabited by strange grunting herds of very different horses. These liked to wallow in mud almost like huge pigs and they slept submerged in the waters. Fish were abundant as were birds, but the people also hunted the water horses for their meat in painted coracles made of reeds and sometimes even skins”. 

“I have heard of this land”, he said; “it rests on the dry southern coasts of the Sea: and the river animal, in my speech we indeed call them hippopotami: but how did you come here?”

The girl swung her small legs over the side and left their couch, wandering closer to the other two. Euryale filled her cup again and drank: then she answered him.

“The time came when we were old enough to make our own lives, my sisters and I. It happened like this. 

One night a Goddess came to me under the stars and spoke. ‘I am Wisdom’, she said. When I asked her for her true name she laughed. ‘If not Wisdom, you shall simply call me Kore. But for you and your sisters now … I will give three choices. 

The first is that you marry in this land and become chattels and mothers like your mother before you. 

The second is that you wither in the bosom of your family; but then you will only come to dry dust without a name. 

The third choice is that you leave here and journey to my house: there you will be my confidantes and have new names that will last forever. But in this, the third choice, you must vow on your lives that you shall never be touched by men’.

So having woken with the dawn, I consulted with my sisters and we came to agreement. It was then that we undertook the journey here to this House and plighted our troths to that Goddess who we thought was Wisdom”.

With her last words he felt memory rising up again as it had on the beach before: it charged his limbs with tension and he sat upright. 

“I know the rest of this story!”

“Then perhaps we will listen to you now”, said Setheno, reaching to fill her own cup for a second time. The sun had since faded and it was fully dark; but it seemed that the unseen torches around them were lit once more; and it came to him that the walls were again deep with shadowed stone and the floor was sand.

“Your sister was raped by her uncle”, he said.

The little girl was suddenly still where she stood near the others with her back to him. Then she turned; and now she wore a mask on her face. With her hands clasped before her and her head bowed, she began in a high voice to declaim:

“She herself was barely sixteen. He came from the wine dark sea and he was beautiful: a body of bronze, a salt bleached beard and liquid eyes, but she feared him. And when she refused his advances he pinioned her arms and forced her down on her knees. There in the sands, like a bull or some rutting goat, while the tears were streaming from her broken eyes, he covered her”.

“You were not to blame”, screamed Euryale, suddenly rising to her feet and flinging down her metal cup; “and yet, that great bitch, the Goddess, his bastard niece, she punished us all”.

“I know this story”, he said, as he leapt from the slab of stone where they had lain together and reached out desperately to recover his discarded arms.

“Our sister”, said Setheno in a quiet voice, “could bear neither the pain nor the shame. Her injured soul simply regressed; backward, to that of a little child”.

The Price

“Who do you think she is?”, said the young woman, losing her grip on his hand and stepping forward to get a closer view.

“It’s the Warrior Goddess, he said, “from Attica”.

“Oh Immortal daughter of the Shining One…”, she intoned.

“Yes”, he said, looking at her; “can you remember the rest?”

“No” she said, scuffing one of her shapely feet in in the dust. For a moment the profile of the mask that was her face looked blind and the serpents twining in her pale hair glittered in the morning light. Then she turned to look at him again; but he knew in that instant that he could not meet her eyes.

“What should I do?”, he said.

“Oh Perseus, what you have been brought here for; what must be done”.  With that, she lifted up her slender arms before her; and her beautiful young fingers could almost have been claws.

Throwing down his broken spear, he fumbled to withdraw the sickle from its pouch. Now, he believed he fully understood: and he thought that after this act, till end of his days, his heart could never again be anything else but stone.

Medusa's head

Graves, Robert (1955). The Greek Myths. Penguin Books. pp. 17, 244. ISBN 0241952743. “A large part of Greek myth is politico-religious history. Bellerophon masters winged Pegasus and kills the Chimaera. Perseus, in a variant of the same legend, flies through the air and beheads Pegasus’s mother, the Gorgon Medusa; much as Marduk, a Babylonian hero, kills the she-monster Tiamat, Goddess of the Seal. Perseus’s name should properly be spelled Perseus, ‘the destroyer’; and he was not, as Professor Kerenyi has suggested, an archetypal Death-figure but, probably, represented the patriarchal Hellenes who invaded Greece and Asia Minor early in the second millennium BC, and challenged the power of the Triple-goddess. Pegasus had been sacred to her because the horse with its moon-shaped hooves figured in the rain-making ceremonies and the installment of sacred kings; his wings were symbolical of a celestial nature, rather than speed.


Jane Harrison has pointed out (Prolegomena to the Study of Greek Religion) that Medusa was once the goddess herself, hiding behind a prophylactic Gorgon mask: a hideous face intended to warn the profane against trespassing on her Mysteries. Perseus beheads Medusa: that is, the Hellenes overran the goddess’s chief shrines, stripped her priestesses of their Gorgon masks, and took possession of the sacred horses—an early representation of the goddess with a Gorgon’s head and a mare’s body has been found in Boeotia. Bellerophon, Perseus’s double, kills the Lycian Chimaera: that is, the Hellenes annulled the ancient Medusan calendar, and replaced it with another.”

The Infinite Monkey

shift-control what? For G*&^S sake!

Don’t you just love it; how to write without writing: then it gets even sillier by making allowances for such comic insertions such as “if you pay peanuts, all you get monkeys” or “how many monkeys are needed to type a Shakespearean sonnet or “he’s a clever boy; he wrote Hamlet in just one morning: yes, it’ll be produced with Derek Jacobi in the lead role. They say it will be up at the Drama Studio starting this June”.

WTF? Well, okay, here goes … from Wikipedia:

“The infinite monkey theorem states that a monkey hitting keys at random on a typewriter keyboard for an infinite amount of time will almost surely type a given text, such as the complete works of William Shakespeare. In fact, the monkey would almost surely type every possible finite text an infinite number of times. However, the probability that monkeys filling the observable universe would type a complete work such as Shakespeare’s Hamlet is so tiny that the chance of it occurring during a period of time hundreds of thousands of orders of magnitude longer than the age of the universe is extremely low (but technically not zero).

In this context, “almost surely” is a mathematical term with a precise meaning, and the “monkey” is not an actual monkey, but a metaphor for an abstract device that produces an endless random sequence of letters and symbols. One of the earliest instances of the use of the “monkey metaphor” is that of French mathematician Émile Borel in 1913, but the first instance may have been even earlier.

Variants of the theorem include multiple and even infinitely many typists, and the target
text varies between an entire library and a single sentence. Jorge Luis Borges traced the history of this idea from Aristotle’s On Generation and Corruption and Cicero’s  On the Nature of the Gods, through Blaise Pascal and Jonathan Swift, up to modern statements with their iconic simians and typewriters. In the early 20th century, Borel and Arthur Eddington [not the star of Yes Minister, you understand] used the theorem to illustrate the timescales implicit in the foundations of statistical mechanics.

Wikipedia. — What did we ever do without it?

So what have we learned ? It seems a monkey with a banana, typing on a keyboard with his other paw is a metaphor of … well, dammed if I know … what do you think?

Beaks Snapping and Feathers Flying

uploads - G-Bird.jpg

Dear Phidias,

I have noticed of late,  as I’m sure you have also,  that he may as well be a Pompey,  this sorry excuse for a Prime Minister:  a grizzling mouth,  a balding pate and a flapping body,  all draped from head to toe in such preposterous ideas

about the quality of the purple;  have you seen how he perambulates the passageways and halls of the Senate?  Always only three steps ahead of the microphones, his staff, and his publicists? You must know Phidias

all our Legions, from the noble Generals and thrice burnished Centurions, to the lowliest of spear carriers,  are quite filled up with the deepest disrespect for him;  and the citizen body has long past begun to think it wiser to ignore his endless

blathering about the impropriety of our civic levies and the grinding price of corn.  So would it really be disunity to say that like a vengeful flock of furies;  beaks snapping, feathers flying;  we should fall on him now and strip him to his under garments;

then to apply our nails to his naked genitals,  his limbs, his hirsute chest and his laurel crown?  I can now only exhort you to prepare yourself Phidias:  best it should be done tonight when the moon is shrouded and the nightingale

is stilled in its song.  After the wine and the water libation,  I will kiss him on his pale cheek,  then dismiss the rest of his bored retainers. You must be waiting in the shadows that surround the stunted olives,  crouched there tightly in secret with our other friends.

All your heads must be properly covered with your togas;  that much at least may be marked as seemly;  but I digress:  there is no need now for further talk  about the shouting and fear;  all that will no doubt stain the linen.  As to the dousing of the torches and the bathos that must attend his final execution:

all of it,  my dear Phidias,  should not take very long …

Peter

Pierre mon frère, at the ending point now, you’ve slipped quietly out across this winter’s dry flood plains,  carrying a chisel, a paint brush and a pint pot,  all in a small string bag.

I can’t quite comprehend what use these things will be to you; to drink the last dregs of the amber sunlight this side of the wall? To carve your name in triplicate? As if we will forget. The smock that they have dressed you in is already covered in dust or in sand, chips falling from the brickwork.

For now you inhabit a small camp by the banks of our blood’s river (the flesh, after all, does look so much like grass). You will stay there until you think it’s safe to cross over.

Do you have enough coins in your pocket, dear cousin? There will be others who will need paying before too long. Your mother my Aunt, waits as always to scold you. My mother, your Aunt, smiling, waits to receive you.  My father,  your Uncle who always treated you as a son, gladly waits to receive you.

Don’t tarry dear Peter, mon chéri: but those here who love you might also say, don’t hurry. While we are all at a loss now to speak to you or for you,  we still desperately crave your company.

Sleep is the husk of a man lying slightly sidewise, covered with a hospital blanket, breathing in then out through an open mouth on a cool winter’s day before rain. His grieving wife sits quietly beside him.

The eyes are shuttered and without a tremor;  they cannot now see beyond the glass. Out there several hundred feet below, I can see the Parramatta River; it is too far away though on this afternoon to hear its waters singing.

Liverpool Hospital,  Western Plains,  Australia,  August 30th,  2018.

Delphi in Winter

parnassus under snow

Socrates and his students are on a break from the Agora. They’re dressed warmly in boots and woollen robes; they’re spending their time snowboarding on the slopes of the Parnassus. Despite Socrates best encouragement and advice, his pupils keep falling over. He despairs; at this rate, how will he ever manage to teach them proper balance in all things?

Halfway down the hill in the Nefeli Pension, Sappho sits wrapped in a sheep skin by the fire. She pauses her reading of a good scroll to inspect her newly cuniformed nails, then reaches carefully for her bowl of heated wine. The copper lamps suspended from the ceiling have been lit, and the atrium is growing dark. She wonders when her dear girls will be home.

Old Homer is not a great one for sports now. He has spent the day rugged up in the corner of the taverna with a particularly fine jug of Ionian brandy. He has been revising The Iliad, yet again. Hesiod is propped at the bar: all afternoon he has been grumbling and musing about the Gods, his spendthrift brother, and his winter fields.

At the Temple Hospital, Asclepius’ surgery has been overrun throughout the morning: a new strain of Persian flu has become epidemic in the outlying demes.  At the end of his day now, thankfully he only has his tablets to complete. He pauses to consider the options: should it be the sharp lemons and then honey, or perhaps just prayers and dreams?

The Polis Council workers are still out: they are digging the snow away from the Athenian Treasury and scattering the Sacred Way with salt. They are glad tomorrow’s planned performance of The Frogs has been cancelled: the Oracle has predicted further inclement weather.

The Pitho Rooms Pensione, Delphi, October 2010.

Notes

Socrates, Sappho and Homer need no introduction. Hesiod is a near contemporary of Homer. His two greatest works are Theogony, and Works and Days.  The former tells the story of the Gods from woe to go:  the latter is a pastoral primer on the running of country estates. It’s filled with endless complaints levelled at his spendthrift younger brother who Hesiod felt was deficient  in his management of their family’s lands.

Asclepius was the first Greek doctor we have knowledge of and was transfigured at a later date as the God of Medicine. His temple in the Argolid at Epidaurus was renowned as the first “hospital” in history. It specialised in palliative care. As old age was not curable, its patients were more often than not, simply dosed with poppy and left to their dreams. We still do pretty much the same thing today. 

The Frogs is a play by the comic author Aristophanes. The Pythian Oracle sits on her tripod in the Temple of Apollo where she prophesies about the likelihood of  further snow in Delphi this Winter …

Parnassus the Horse, the Wheel and Language

If you’d like to tackle a book that will keep your head spinning, The Horse, the Wheel and Language by David Anthony is the one to go for.

Initially I thought it would be a nice, easy kind of read with lots of pleasant illustrations of dug up things; but in fact it is a large, complex tome full of facts and figures that describe various completely mind-boggling studies by a host of different archeologists in search of dates for the advent of the Wheel, the domestication of the Horse,  the first use of the Cart,  and so on.

Maybe you’re old enough to remember the famous Highlander movies series where Connor Macleod (aka Christopher Lambert) tries to keep his head while reluctantly removing the heads of others ? It came complete with a Freddy Mercury theme song called Princes of the Universe and a tag line of There can be only one.

In first and classic screenplay, Connor’s scary adversary is known as “The Kurgan” (played by one Clancy Brown), a kind of conanesque bronze age swordsman with a very bad attitude toward most things, including Connor himself.

Enter Anthony’s book, where you’ll discover that “The Kurgan” is a real, academically concocted name for the Aryan uber-culture, the original speakers of indo-European. Between these mythical speakers and modern times lies a bewildering host of other cultures, mainly in and around the Black Sea, that have been rigorously documented and catalogued as part of the effort to  stump up the dates of the title.

During the course of your journey you’ll also run across some quite unnerving facts.  Stallions can only be definitively identified because they have canine teeth?

That maybe suggests why Diomedes flesh-eating horses, the ones that Herakles was forced to deal with, might actually have come to be?

Also,  high-caste female burials give ample evidence of the practice of human sacrifice:  perhaps not a comfortable thought in our day and age with its very active Women’s Rights movements. Ever heard of “SCUM”? (Society for the Cutting Up of Men).

Anyway, despite its difficulty (I doubt the book would pass the Flesch test for easy readability – but that seems a positive virtue to me),  The Horse, the Wheel and Language, is worth its price. Certainly it’s better than being subjected to a bolt of lightning while binge-watching Highlander – or at least, that’s my opinion for the present.

 

The Horse, the Wheel  and Language; David W. Anthony; Princeton University Press 2007

Excerpt diagram — the language tree

Nowhere in Particular

Three hundred or so dusty red kilometres up the Western Highway from the coast, and about five kilometres from the turn off to Lizard Drinking, lies the small outback settlement of Yakult.  It’s only claim to fame is that it was named by some exhausted minor German explorer who camped there for a few nights while ostensibly searching for the fabled Australian inland sea. Eager perhaps to leave at least some sign that his expedition had passed that way, on departing he reportedly nailed a small commemorative pewter plate to a large gum. “Frederick Grossendum, Yakult, 1863”.

“Call me Jim”, said the barman, as he laid the paperback he had been reading face down on the counter and slipped off the stool to stand behind his bar:  “What will you have?” On the wall behind him, tacked in among the dusty spirit bottles, a large yellowing piece of card announced prices for the available fare.

Mike inspected it carefully before he answered: “seeing its eleven am in the morning, we thought we might be able to get some breakfast?”

“Surely” says Jim, “not a problem. It’s not as if we’re too rushed at the present anyway”. He reached down beneath the taps and retrieved what looked like a child’s toy walkie-talkie. He put it next to his ear; there was a sharp click and a crackle and then he began speaking: “Ma, Ma, are yer there?”

Stay tuned — there will be more …

Bodhisattva

One of my male housemates is getting fat. He’s blowing up like a coloured party balloon. Before most of us are even conscious in the morning, he’s up boy scouting King Street and the other byways of Newtown for his big breakfast.Enmore Road with its shawarmas and exotic bread pizzas; or maybe a seat in the bar over a schooner and a plate piled high with roast meats, green beans, gravy and potatoes. He is a staunch friend to the Crispy Inn, the late night coffee shops with their cakes behind neon frosted glass, the charcoal chicken joints and the Asian takeaways. To him the culinary possibilities of South Sydney seem to be endless. You’d think he was attempting a fast-track degree in gastronomy and not comparative religion. You might forgive him if the remaining hours of his days were truly dedicated to his original chosen discipline; but here’s the rub: he got stuck on page one hundred and forty-two of the set text; the chapter on Buddhism. So now, “paradoxically”, he’s also undergone an eastern epiphany and has developed what could only be described as the full-blown “Gautama complex”.

What the F is that? You may ask. Well, in a big cloud of ignorance about what his own roots might just have to offer, between his ironic body building pursuits, he now haunts the various Buddhist outlets and book shops along the strip. He also grandly attends meditation and eastern self-help courses, and spends days in his bedroom with a big plastic bottle of Coke, a canister of Pringles and a half-bitten paintbrush, decorating his walls with multi-coloured  mandalas.

It really is so sad. When he first arrived in our terrace as a younger, slimmer, version of himself, I actually somewhat fancied him. But now under the influence of his new vocation, his idea of flirting has devolved into veiled references to the Karma Sutra and occasional awkward conversations that are undertaken as he hangs by one hairy hand from the frame of my door.

But I think not, my young rapidly self-expanding chela; this girl is no poorly clad Devi standing on one leg with bovine, adoring eyes just for you. Instead I’m kicking back in the communal living room, comfortable on the couch. And between late night episodes of The Vampire Diaries, Rock Wiz, and Rage, I’m observing with some sickly fascination as your waistline overflows your shorts and creeps gently toward your crotch.

So even after a smoke or two, your No. 1 newly shaved head is no attraction. Rather, I see in my mind’s eye your extreme saffron days approaching; but it’s not the fierce aestheticism of an Indian master that’s shaping your last beatific image. Oh no; it’s the smiling tele-tubby, he who sits crossed-legged and smiling, drenched in his own cloud of stupefying incense. The happy, dimpled, obese One, that those clever Chinese artists seem to prefer.

The God of Vegetation

We had cause to visit Glebe Point Road for the first time in a long while this Wednesday past. The occasion was a book launch, upstairs at Glee Books, starring the lovely Judy Beveridge. After the event, needing to find something to browse in the way of dinner, we opted for burgers and chips at a rather unique joint on the strip – a Vegetarian Diner (the name of which is withheld to protect, well, me) …

Adonis gets ripped in the side or ritually murdered. Which is it? I can’t quite remember.

Time to dust off my copy of The Golden Bough and maybe get a definitive answer. One thing about it, he must have been a thin and emaciated kind of chap if he was relying on burgers from this place.  The fare: a brioche bun quaintly decorated with “plant-based beef” and the usual salad bits: not even a fried egg to boost the flavour.

They do however fabricate a really good chocolate milkshake. I’d be inclined to revisit just for that; but otherwise, well, they can keep their ideas about the God of Vegetation …

In Greek mythology, Adonis was the god of beauty and desire. Originally, he was a god worshipped in the area of Phoenicia (modern – day Lebanon), but was later adopted by the Greeks. According to the most popular belief, he was the son of Theias, king of Syria, and Myrrha (also known as Smyrna), Theias’ daughter.

 

The Time Tourists

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Still sequestered incognito at Main Beach just south of Brisbane, Ray was exhausted. Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Christmas Night had all passed him by without much notice as he feverishly read the Hesse Papers through to their conclusion; but the last page of the manuscript came and went without him still fully understanding the relationships between the Coast of Gold, the Contessa, and the Tunnel of Time.

He lay back in the chair on the balcony of the rented Condo feeling defeated: it was all he could think to do, to reach out for the mobile handset and order in: one of those very expensive pizzas in the hospitality folder and a very cheap bottle of wine. After he had polished both off, he drifted slowly into a kind of hot, after dinner sleep.

The light was dying on all the roads of the world and the breeze from the east streaming in across the pacific started to pick up. Restlessly, Ray began to dream …

It seems Ray Hardly, the Gum Shoe Private Detective has disappeared: but that’s not entirely uncharacteristic of his modus operandi. His comings and goings to and from his office above Salon Dread Heads in Newtown have never been anything but consistently erratic. What has his occasional girlfriend and salon owner Bridget Pantaloon perplexed is not the effort she will have to put in reporting him as a missing person, but  his last, overly cryptic text:

Don’t weight up sweetheart – a meet with the Big Man **%! Closing in on the Contessa. 100 K Jim … Friday AM.

So B is sleeping tonight with a pick axe handle under her pillow. She’s worried that this one could just be Ray’s biggest and most disastrously stupid case yet …

The Time Tourists: a Ray Hardly Mystery; Simeon & Shyster 2018.