If Operating Systems were Airlines

And so our swift-flowing stream of exquisite dribble continues … how far will it go? I found this piece hanging around in a prose-other directory  on my desktop … I’m pretty sure it’s not mine; its to cleanly written; and it actually exhibits a fine sense of, well, fun …

UNIX Airlines

Each passenger brings a piece of the airplane and a box of tools to the airport. They gather on the tarmac, arguing constantly about what kind of plane they want to build and how to put it together. Eventually, they build several different aircraft, but give them all the same name. Some passengers actually reach their destinations.  All the passengers believe they got there.

MacOS Air

You enter a white terminal, and all you can see is a woman sitting in the corner behind a white desk, you walk up to get your ticket. She smiles and says “Welcome to MacOS Air, please allow us to take your picture” – at which point a camera in the wall you didn’t notice before takes your picture. “Thank you, here is your ticket” You are handed a minimalistic ticket with your picture at the top and it already has all of your information. 

A door opens to your right and you walk through. All the stewards, stewardesses, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look the same, act the same, and talk the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are told you don’t need to know, don’t want to know, and would you please return to your seat and watch the movie.  

You spend nearly the whole flight time trying to decide which one of the thousand movies to watch and when you arrive, you realise you’ve forgotten about the in-flight meal.

Windows Airlines

You enter a good-looking terminal with the largest planes you have ever seen. Every ten feet a security officer appears and asks you if you are sure you want to continue walking to your plane and if you would like to cancel. Not sure what cancel would do, you continue walking and ask the agent at the desk why the planes are so big. After the security officer makes sure you want to ask the question and you want to hear the answer, the agent replies that they are bigger because it makes customers feel better, but the planes are designed to fly twice as slow, adding that the size helped to achieve the slow fly goal.

Once on the plane, every passenger has to be asked individually by the flight attendants if they are sure they want to take this flight. Then it is company policy that the captain asks the passengers collectively the same thing again. After answering yes to so many questions, someone asks you, “Are you sure you want me to punch you in the face? Cancel or Allow?” You instinctively say “Allow”. The stranger then punches you in the face. 

After take-off, the pilots realize that the landing gear driver wasn’t updated to work with the new plane. Therefore it is always stuck in the down position. This forces the plane to fly even slower, but the pilots are used to it and continue to fly the planes, hoping that soon the landing gear manufacturer will give out a landing gear driver update. 

You arrive at your destination wishing you had used your reward miles with MacOS Air rather than trying out this new carrier. A close friend, after hearing your story, mentions that there is a rumour in the market that Windows will soon be taken over by a new airline next week – Windows Air Plus – similar setup but fewer questions about whether you want to take the flight and undercarriage that actually retracts right from the start… 

In the mean time you read in the press that at least five Windows planes have fallen out of the sky this morning due to an inability to maintain anything like the minimum air speed for sustained flight.

Linux Air 

Disgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to start their own airline. They build the planes, ticket counters, and pave the runways themselves. They charge a small fee to cover the cost of printing the ticket, but you can also download and print the ticket yourself. 

When you board the plane, you are given a seat, four bolts, a wrench and a copy of the seat-HOWTO.html. Once settled, the fully adjustable seat is very comfortable; the plane leaves and arrives on time without a single problem and the in-flight meal is wonderful. You try to tell customers of the other airlines about the great trip, but all they can say is: “You had to do what with the seat?” 

Mac IOS Airlines 

The experience is very similar to MacOS; except there are many, many more passengers and flights. For the exorbitant ticket price, the planes seem ridiculously small and sleek.  

The cabin crew are even blander and there is an even more bewildering choice of movies. Inflight meals now are charged for separately and have to be eaten with your fingers.

A little family history

uploads - Slide1.jpeg

Blessing Stuckgold was the daughter of Moritz Stuckgold and Rosa Stuckgold (nee Fels, daughter of Frederick). She was my Father’s elder sister, my beloved Aunt Bronia. Moritz Stuckgold was the first Managing Director of City Loan, Mortgage and Finance. My Father was named for his Grandfather – he was Frederick Stuckgold. In the latter part of her life, Bronia lived with her companion, Mary Goddard, in Avenue Road Mosman. She passed away circa 1981. She was cremated at North Shore and her ashes were spread  among the Gardens. Moritz and Fred  are also interred there. My grandmother Rosa lies separately at Rookwood, most likely alongside her Father, Frederick Fels. Now read on …

HERITAGE
May – June 2010
by Pamela Smith BA (Hons.)
History, Springwood Historians

Have you ever wondered how
streets, parks and other landmarks
acquire their names?

Fels Avenue, located in the vicinity
of Springwood Public School, for
example, was named for Frederick
Fels who purchased land there in
the latter part of the 1890s.

Fels, born in Warsaw Poland in
1858, travelled to England then to
America in the 1880s, on the pretext
of buying goods for his business.
He left behind a wife, who he
subsequently divorced, and several
children when he married his
second wife, Dora.

Relatives consider the pair had
been previously acquainted before
Dora left Poland destined for
America and marriage.

Frederick married Dora when her first
marriage arrangement did not take
place.

The couple arrived in Australia in
1889 where Frederick manufactured
butter coolers and canvas bags
before moving into the more
lucrative market of money lending
initially financed by his wife.

Dora, an enterprising lady, set up
her own dressmaking business
which perhaps gained her the title
of Madame Fels.

It seems that Frederick was ever
mindful of his debt to the deserted
family in Warsaw because he sent
money back when he was
financially able.

Son Stanley migrated to Australia in
1896, and moved in with Frederick
and Dora when they lived at
Annandale.

Stanley’s arrival – and perhaps the
financial position of Dora and
Frederick – encouraged the
migration of the remaining Fels
family.

The Springwood property
was purchased by Frederick and Dora in
1899. It comprised of several acres of
land forming the border between
Valley Heights and what is now Springwood.

Frederick Somers had been the
original owner of a conditional
purchase in the 1880s. The
property had been put in Dora’s
name which was common practice
for that time because it safeguarded
the wife in the event of her
husband’s bankruptcy or eluded
death duties if he died.

In 1900, the Fels moved into their
newly built Springwood home. Fels
Ridge/ Felsridge, as it was known,
was a stunning example of early
uncluttered Federation-style
architecture. As the photograph
below illustrates, several t all
chimneys soared high above the
tiled roofline of the commodious
brick home, while the front veranda
and upper storey balcony
overlooked a wonderful circular
driveway.

The driveway and remnants of what
had been a well-attended garden
(although greatly reduced in size)
were still intact when an inspection
of the property was made in 2000,
as was part of the original house.

Financially comfortable, the Fels
were able to employ Thomas Jones
and George Mills as gardeners and
to attend to any maintenance of
Felsridge. Double gates located on
Bathurst (now Macquarie Road)
once marked the entrance to the
property.

Dora and Frederick continued in
their separate businesses and
Frederick, who was described as a
‘financier,’ occupied rooms at 295
Pitt Street, Sydney.

In a move that would prove
unfortunate the childless couple
adopted Dora’s niece and
Frederick’s granddaughter.

In 1907, Frederick was a trustee of
Martins Lookout. He is said to have
had a great fondness for the local
flora and fauna of the area and – at
his own expense – put a man to
work clearing a track some two or
three miles out from Springwood.

The Nepean Times newspaper later
regaled the splendour of hidden
streams, tumbling clear pristine
waterfalls and stalactites,
unhindered and undisturbed, which
formed from the minerals in the
water. Rare ferns grew in great
profusion along the track and great
stacks of giant logs lay petrified on
the wilderness floor.

A public spirited man, Frederick
donated a sum of money to the
Springwood School of Arts building
fund in 1907.

In 1908, he was elected vice
president along with Messrs.
Charles Rosenthal, Grant and
Foster and retained the position the
following year.

He was elected to the committee
when the first annual general
meeting was held in the newly
erected Springwood School of Arts
building, in 1913.

Fels was also a member of the
Springwood Progress Association.
During 1908, Frederick – with the
assistance of Mr Maidment,
proprietor of the Royal Hotel –
installed a Rider-Eriksson hot air
engine on the Springwood property
to pump water for domestic and
irrigation purposes from the gullies
below the house. There is no evidence
to suggest if they were successful.

In 1914, Frederick founded the
Mortgage and Loan Finance
Company of Australia.

Sadly, he died the following year .
The years following Frederick’ s
death were troubled and turbulent
for Dora and the trouble stemmed
from the earlier adoptions.

Frederick’s first wife appealed his
will because most of his estate had
been bequeathed to their mutual
granddaughter, Miss Blessing Fels-
Stuckgold.

Eventually the Supreme Court
overturned the terms of Frederick’ s
will and the estate was divided
between Blessing and Frederick’ s
first wife.

The latter died five years later and
rests, perhaps somewhat
uncomfortably, with Frederick in
Rookwood Cemetery.

Fels is remembered in the
Springwood street name.
The name of Miss Blessing Fels-
Stuckgold appeared in local
newspapers around 1915, along
with other young ladies who raised
funds for wounded soldiers during
the First World War.

Like most of the other large estates
in the area the Fels estate was
subsequently subdivided and Dora,
or Madame Fels, left the mountains
around 1920.

Family information suggested she
lived in Mosman during the early
1930s, however, the date and place
of her death are unknown.

Local myth had the house burnt to
the ground in the 1968 fires,
however, an inspection in 2000
revealed that the central spine of
the house remained intact along
with the driveway, a well in the
garden and plants from the original
garden.

Today the property is known as Blue
Gum Lodge and functions as an
Anglican Youthworks Outdoor
Centre.

References:
Blue Mountains City Council Image Collection.
Nepean Times, Various editions.
New South Wales Births, Deaths
and Marriage indexes.
Sands Indexes, Various editions.
Springwood Historians, The Making
of a Mountain Community: A
Biographical Dictionary of the
Springwood District.

Frederick Fels’ children were more or less Rosa, Stella and Stanley Fels. While Stanley was Frederick’s son, it’s not entirely clear who Stanley’s Mother was: family rumour suggested that Stanley may have been illegitimate.

The court case, dealing with  Frederick’s Estate, was appealed all the way to the Privy Council. It can be found as Fels vs. Fels, in  Kings Bench.

Frederick Stuckgold met his Grandmother, Frederick Fels’ first wife, in Palestine circa 1940. How she might have come to be interred beside him at Rookwood at a later date seems quite a mystery.

Dora Fels lived in St Elmo Street Clifton Gardens. Her house still stands today.

Freddy Stuckgold, of 40 Redan Street Mosman, married twice and had a son and a daughter. His daughter was named Vivian Stuckgold. She herself is interred in the graveyard of the village of Kefar Tavor in the northern Galilee. Her children and grandchildren still live in the modern state of Israel today.

I am, of course, Fred’s son.

Erskineville, NSW 2018.